I grew up in a family of mental illness, but I think we’re also very smart and for the most part kind. Everyone knew that I had issues in the past with panic attacks, that was my super power. I didn’t know you could have more than one. I just thought I was dying.
One year ago I bought an Ansel Adams calendar and hung it on the back of my bedroom door. Today I ordered a new calendar to hang in its place.
One year ago I started putting an X on the days that I either worked out for thirty minutes or went on a forty minute hike up a bunch of stairs by my house.
Now as I’m taking down the calendar I can see I was averaging an X on at least five days out of the week for the first four months.
After that it became so routine I just did it to feel better, I had momentum, I had a habit.
I didn’t get as much done last year as I wanted to, but I got myself back, which feels like everything.
Yesterday I was running to catch the train and had to hold onto my waist to keep my pants from falling down. The belt I have been wearing for the past ten years is too loose and needs a new hole. The tightest hole is the one I was using when I was bartending 3-5 years ago, the second tightest was for when I was driving. Now I need to drill in a new tightest hole.
I just didn’t want to be depressed anymore, and now I get to wear all the clothes I thought I had outgrown.
It’s strange to go from such a bleak life to an exciting one. And to be able to differentiate from lifestyle depression and everyday emotions.
It’s strange that buying a calendar to start everything off, a rhythm, a habit, a recording seems to have saved my life.
It’s strange to say a calendar was the greatest purchase I made in the past three years.
Current favorite motivational song