Then play the song Wreaths Rakes by Stolen Jars, also acceptable is Rumpus by Karen O and the Kids, but only if succeeded (it so definitely succeeds) by Rumpus Reprise also by Karen O and the kids.
“I just can’t stop clapping,” she yelled, as her boyfriend, for the first time ever, successfully completed that magic trick where someone saws someone else in half.
“When he’s on stage like that, and all of his adrenaline is going, I don’t think he really knows, I mean, I wouldn’t know either, that the trick has gone wrong, until, you know, it’s gone really wrong, like really wrong. Who’s to say anyone really knows how to act when it all goes really wrong though, right?”
I’m pretty sure that was what I heard her say, I told the police later that night. I told them she was clapping so much and so fast while she said it, coupled with the venue’s strobe light, the whole thing looked like a bad black and white film from the 1920’s about bullfighters and the women that cheer them on. I found it to be both confusing and mesmerizing. I’ve replayed her lips in my mind so many times, you can quote me on them, I’ll swear to it.
She went on, “And I know, I mean, I really bet, that the stage owners aren't always all that that pissed off about a little blood on their stage. I bet they see it more like christening or an omen, or when they break champagne on a ship, or the first time they allowed a troupe to do Hamlet.”
“You mean like a sacrifice?” I yelled back at her, and if I didn’t take a drink of my cheap canned beer my throat would run my L’s shrill, and my K’s cracked, like language had meant them to be.
I often wonder, late at night, if the extra twenty-five minutes after my testimony actually helped the prosecutor’s case at all. I told them everything I knew in the first five minutes, but for twenty-five minutes after that they kept on asking, in a million different ways, what I meant when I said that she said, “stage owners.” Was it possessive or plural? Was she being possessive or plural?
I told them I didn’t know. I told them language was funny like that. I told them in a crowded auditorium with a lot of clapping and a big strobe light, that I was lucky to make out what I did at all.
Then I watched them act how they act when they don’t know, which isn’t nearly as much fun as how they act when everything goes all terribly really wrong. That’s why I’ve decided nobody ever pays to give a testimony, but everyone loves a magic show.