(Not their initials, just for anonymity, and all will go by "he" though some are "she")
First there was B.
When B made art it was brilliant and quick. He made it like a sneeze, it was inherently born out of distraction. Then after its completion he would excuse himself, as if he had indeed sneezed. Yet those around B thanked him, then the audience clapped, always happy to see him and hoping for more. To this B laughed and backed himself off stage. B convinced me they were necessary episodes, like bodily functions.
Then there was C.
C was a classic Sisyphus, over burdened for sure. His to do list of art projects out stretched the length of his arms, and C had long arms. He treated these projects without ego or outside influence. It’s not that his basic human needs to eat or sleep or breathe were replaced by art, art was just up there, with equal priority.
And much like most humans do not speak of their naps or meals, C did not bother to elect most any of his projects for conversation. They were just necessary like human needs.
As for D.
D drank and smoked and breathed and worked with barely any time for any sleep. If art was a church D showed up everyday even though he should be probably be at home resting. D created art like necessary beliefs. It was in the air he breathed, nobody saw it but D needed it to live.
Finally there was E.
Most no one knew E made any art at all. I had this sneaky feeling he did, and when I caught E in the act one day he nearly made me swear to keep quiet about it. I didn’t understand, it was good art, it was empathetic and curious. It wasn’t about that for him, it was a necessary release, like a secret or a prayer.
This was my community.
They made art because it was necessary.
Necessary like bodily functions
like human needs
like human beliefs
like human release
Most of all because it was necessary, and it was in them, it was inherently them.
Since this community has disbanded I have wandered in and out of other communities.
And sure there are exceptions. But all I can find are ego maniacs.
I get it, I might have appeared to be one too.
I wrote a book, and I wanted to promote the book.
I got a little loud about it. I didn’t like getting loud, but I tried to, and I think I succeeded.
Every good review put a little more volume in me.
Now that I can be quiet again I want to fall back into my community of necessity.
But it’s gone.
And I’m surrounded by these braggarts.
And I’m afraid I’ve become one.
And they are all I will ever know,
from here on out.